Thursday, September 22, 2011

First time....

Last night it felt to hard, this CRPS I mean - I had cooked a silverside in the crock-pot, but when it came to cutting it, I could not do it...... everything was so painful..... I cried...

It is so hard to explain what the pain feels like, imagine walking on an uneven surface like a rug or something and the pain is so intense, or a tiny stone, also having spasms in a body part regularly, imagine not being able to hold anything in one hand cause of the pain, not being able to do up bras easy, getting into long sleeved shirts without twisting the arm to cause more pain, imagine having burning pain and itchiness till you scratch it so hard it blisters and bleeds, I also have sharp stabbing pains in body parts that knock you so much you just stop what you are doing and try to hold back the tears..... It is so bloody sore and it is continuous pain and then you get this sharp jolt just to add to the mixture, just to make sure you are aware the CRPS is still there.... I have to be so careful when I walk cause just a twist sends a sharp pain up the leg, when the dog brushes past my foot, sometimes the pain is so intense you just scream.... I can no longer place my left leg on a step first, I have to 1 step at a time with the right leg first and the left leg next. There is no way I would do stairs without a rail or someone to hold onto anymore in case my leg gives way which it does....I can't hold a phone in my left arm anymore,  I can no longer read a book, well I can read but I can not turn a page and hold a book open after 1 page my arm has had enough and the jolts of pain begin..... things I have always taken for granted now have to be planned..... peeling a potato is a mission, frozen veges have become my best friend.... as for pumpkins or anything like that, could not even do that if I tried....We had to buy a machine to grate things as I can no longer use a hand grater, I can't use a tin opener, so we got an electric one......our kitchen has become full of gadgets to make life easier for me. Container lids are near impossible to open, I have to make sure I buy easy opening lid ones.... I can no longer hand mash potatoes, cut carrots etc... as for opening a jar or something like that....... just can't do it, if a tin as those ring tab things forget it.... I can't wear my wedding rings cause of the swelling in the hand. 

Though we now have a diagnosis of CRPS in the left leg/ankle, it scares the living daylights out of me, I could cope with 1 bung arm but a leg is a whole different story, and what scares me the most is the deterioration in it, over the last 12 months. At work it was getting harder and harder to do an 8 hour shift and I was taking more and more pain meds just to get through..... I can not wear nice shoes cause my foot is so swollen all the time, that apart from jandals and cross trainers nothing else fits. I have my fantastic Doc Martin boots I got from Aussie last year and can no longer wear them as my foot is just to swollen now, I am hoping I can get the one boot stretched to fit....

Anyway thats just a small portion of what CRPS is like for me.....

The positives : This time next week our darling little Chico will have spent her first night with us. Daylight saving begins this weekend yay.... I have a wonderful husband and 2 lovely children (most of the time), and am grateful that my ex and I can still get on, and that we can all have lunch together next Wednesday for the twins birthday in Auckland before we pick up the puppy. Oh and I won a prize a limited edition RWC rugby ball, think I know the perfect person to give it to..... :-)

Anyway off to do housework, the house is a mess, ok probably not a mess but it needs a bit of a tidy up...... then I will have a nice shower and then go for my 12 minute walk. 

Have perked up a bit with this lovely weather today :-)


  1. I really feel for you and all you have to go through with this damn syndrome. It must be so hard.

    Counting down until your beautiful puppy comes:)

  2. Hi Jaxx, sorry to hear things are so hard for you at the moment, it must be pretty tough to get through the day with all that pain. I really hope the specialists can sort out your meds so that you can get on with living your life without so much pain *hugs*
    PS I'm so glad that you're getting one of Chris's puppies so we can see it grow up! hehe

  3. I knew you were in pain but I had no idea the extent. It must be so frustrating and I would think really scary. I hope that you manage to get the pain under control.

    Getting Chico will be so exciting.