Friday, April 6, 2012

Who am I....

I can choose to be this - an obese 48 year old women, who has CRPS and believes that life sucks and it is not worth it..... so I can just sit on my arse and do nothing about it and watch myself die.

But I also have a loving husband, 2 wonderful children, am friends with my ex. (which makes life so much easier when it comes to the twins) have 2 dogs who I just adore and gets me through most days, and have some special friends in my life.

Notice I did not mention my family like my father and sister, why because they do not support me and if anything especially my father they bring me down, so I avoid them. 

BUT I am also a somebody - I am also a mother, wife, am studying, have a couple of close friends one who has been my best friend since 5 years old..... she is the one that would drop everything and be there for me..... that kind of friendship is so special and though we don't see each other often (due to living hours away from each other) she is the one I can confide in, she seems to know when I am down.... and I love her.

So I have 2 choices I can be the person who feels like they are a no-body and feel sorry for herself or I can be the mother/wife/friend and get myself healthy so that I am around for a few more years yet. 

How do I become that second person, I need to have confidence in myself, I need to know that I am worthwhile, I don't want to die yet here I am killing myself.... so after a lot of soul searching I have come up with some things in my life I can change and when I change these things then the confidence will come back.... It is not only weight loss I need to change, I need to believe in myself that I can get this degree even with CRPS.....

So please now more than ever I need the support of the blogging world, this really is my last chance at getting my shit together..... 

So what am I going to do to be the person I deserve to be, first of I need to jump on those scales and get a start goal weight wise... and then

  • Lose these bloody kilos of it is the last thing I do - how will I do this by eating low carb, I know where I went wrong last time this time it will be different, and if I stuff up for a meal or day get back on track immediately.
  • Do the bloody exercycle (it is so boring hence the word bloody lol) 10 - 15 minutes every day and build it up from there
  • Get out there and meet new people which is slowly happening.
  • I know I can pass these Uni papers - nothing worthwhile in life comes easy so I have to keep working like I have been. 
  • Start walking 1km 2 - 3 times a week
  • Come here everyday and tell you all that I have achieved my daily goals.
  • And finally I need to make sure that the CRPS does not take over.
Life is not perfect so there will be mistakes along the way but instead of being pissed about making the mistake, learn from it.....

Decided to change the blog around, I have for many years been interested in the Pagan beliefs, and right now I really need something to keep me grounded so decided to make it my background. I am going to set up my alter again so I can have a place to meditate. 

Oh and thank you all for the support, I know I have no chances left for this, I can not keep believing that high blood pressure or diabetes will not catch up with me if I do choose to continue the lifestyle I have been having. 

Anyway thats it from me for tonight :)


  1. Good for you Jackie you have my support :) take each day as it comes and give it the best you've got ( i need to listen to myself too at thte moment lol)
    Have a good easter and enjoy...

  2. Finally... now can you read this post every time you stuff up??? We are all here to support you but you need to support YOU!!!

    You know what you need to do and you just need to figure out something you can stick to. I love this post!!

  3. Woo are taking charge of your life. You can do it :) We are here to help you on your journey.
    Jenny :)

  4. The very best of luck Jaxx...sometimes we have to really struggle to find our way back...seems you are doing a lot of thinking...i have complete faith you can build the life you want and deserve :)

  5. Great post, so positive.

    I will be here to support you all the way.

  6. Well done Jackie...believe in yourself and it will happen, will be here to support you all the way.

  7. You are so worthy of being looked after. Especially by yourselfxx

    Meditation is great. I do it but need to do it more.

    Family is tricky. Geez, I know. Surround yourself with the good stuff and the good people:)