Friday, December 14, 2012

Why did I get the CRPS

I hate the CRPS, I am over it, I hate how it has taken my life away.... I am so lonely, I feel like I have lost everything, the only thing I feel strong about is that the kids love me, I feel like my marriage is falling apart, though work had been good after 18 + months but now they have to end it.... It hurts more than I realised. The only communication I have with people is through the stupid Internet... Don't get me wrong the people through the net have been my lifesavers, but most of them are CRPS people as well, I need people around me that don't just talk about CRPS... I am on Meds that is knocking my memory, David is getting annoyed with me, either waffling or repeating myself.... We hardly communicate anymore and the few times we do it is so hard.

People say you only get what you can cope with, well right now I am not sure I can cope with it, or even want to, if this is going to be my life for the rest of it,

I am hoping I will snap out of it, but as time goes on the more I crave normality in my life, I am finding the study so hard, I am dropping one paper this semester....

I am scared, I am an emotional wreck.... And I don't care what they say living in pain everyday does suck... Side effects from the Meds sucks as well.....


The scale shows the pain as a hell of a lot more than childbirth or an amputation of a digit.... I hate it so much. I want my old life back so desperately, I want to do another half marathon, I want to go overseas and enjoy everyday, I want to be able to go out at night and enjoy it and not take the next 7 days recovering from a simple night out..... I take 35 - 40 Meds a day just to get through... F**C you CRPS.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

7 comments:

  1. Have no answers, after 3 yrs completely house bound, this year has been about taking back control, but yes it's hard, I do understand

    Anne

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  2. Sorry to hear Jackie, my husband has CRPS and i find it really frustrating but i feel lonely also as he is not the person i fell in love with and life seems to be revolved around pain and medication and i feel like i lost my support person and my best friend. We have been getting counseling and its working and now we do things that won't cause him much pain, movies or watching a funny movie at home, going out for a meal, just shortening our trips as well to smaller ones not all day as its to much etc etc. Life won't be the same again for us but we are trying our best to stay together and start a new one and it really seems to be working as we are much happier and are talking again but its still hard.
    Also ACC are sending him up to Auckland next year for three weeks to attend TARP( The Auckland regional pain service) which focuses on education, relaxation and activation for acute and chronic pain management. We watched a video on it and some have had a great success rate. Look it up, may be worth looking at with your ACC case manager. Good luck and remember be kind to yourself also, don't be so hard on yourself :)
    Leanne

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  3. Thoughts are with you Jaxx, you can scream at me anyday i have broad shoulders and its better out than in my friend :)

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  4. You have had such a hard time. I cannot imagine the pain & frustration. I hope you & David can sort things out. Keep talking & appreciate the little things.

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  5. I'm so sorry that things are so hard for you. Yes, fuck CRPS and what it has done to your life!

    It's okay to feel bad and hate what has happened. Just get through one day at a time.

    I wish I had an answer xx

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  6. Exiting news happening in the US regrading CRPS ... Several stories about it on my site at rsdscrpsnews.wordpress (dot) co m ... Search for "Calmare" therapy ... Also cprcenters (dot) c om ... People are getting to be "pain free" from this treatment ...

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  7. Also, not sure it'll its legal where you are ... But google and study "hemp oil" ... It's helping many, many RSD people and helping more and better than traditional meds

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