Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Life....

I am a great believer that things happen for a reason and though I hate the CRPS so much, it also has got me thinking about what I can do in the future, and being a  Social Worker is a job I am sure I can do with CRPS - maybe I was meant to finish my degree I started many years ago as part time, but it took the CRPS to show me that.... 

I am also a great believer in Karma, and very much have a strong belief in pagan, I do not really classify myself as a witch, but am heading more and more that way as life brings me new challenges.

One door closes and another one opens, well boy has that really happened to me in the last 5 years, I had to take a few risks (though they are safe risks), with the new open doors but they have worked for me, with a little bit of tweaking :)

People come and go in your life, and yes another lesson I have learnt thanks to CRPS, what was once a close friendship with someone is falling apart, why I am not sure - another friend who I have been friends with since we were 5 which was 44 years ago is moving into a new stage in her life and taking a risk - she has the attitude that if it is right it will all fall into place and for her it has, I could not do what she is doing, but I am envious of how she can just do what she is doing, I wish I had the guts to take risks and not worry about the what ifs' - maybe something for me to work on :). I have dreams but they are all safe dreams..... :), when I was growing up I was never a safe person, I lived life to the fullest.

CRPS has changed my life in so many ways I could not even imagine, some of it for the better, and some of it not so good, whatever happens will be will be, no use dwelling on it, life goes on and I can choose to waste so many worrying about it, or do what I need to do to enjoy what I can within the boundaries of CRPS allowing me to do it. 

Am I happy, not really as I said yesterday, I said I was unhappy but have thought about that I am not really unhappy, I am angry and that is only normal for what the CRPS has taken away from me, but I need to turn that around and say yes shit happens, but I am still alive, yes I may need a wheelchair for outings sometimes, but at least I can still get out, I have David we are struggling a bit at the moment, I have to remember that the CRPS has affected him as well and what we now do together....

I woke up this morning to a sunflower opening up on the deck, it is beautiful and one of favorite flowers, I got to see it this morning, so that is a bonus, and another day has begun, today I am going to make count and not just go through the motions... and dwell on the whys, but live for today and appreciate every small thing that will happen today, and the sunflower was the first thing that brought me a smile to my face :)

1 comment:

  1. and where is a pic of the sunflower to share with us hmmm? :) So glad to see you happy and so positive, I know CRPS has been so hard for you in many ways and as a friend, it's extremely hard to sit back and not know the right thing to say / do at the right time and I know for myself, I probably end up saying nothing for fear of it being wrong.. I know lame, but it's something I'm working on.. meanwhile, can't lose our friendship :) .. I'm just not sure if even what I do say is really anything important... so again, I just zip my mouth and withdraw further..

    Anyway, in case you don't realise it, I am very proud of how far you've come in dealing with all that crap CRPS has dealt you and look forward to seeing how much you grow in all avenues of your life in the future...

    Anne :)

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