I feel over the last few months, or even the last 12 months, not really sure as I lose track of my time, I have lost myself, I have lost who I am. When David was away, I did some thinking about who I am, and where I want to be and where I want to end. I started conforming to what society feels I should be, and thats not me.
With the CRPS, I have allowed it to control my life, it is hard not to though, when you have to take 40 odd pills a day, and I have constant reminders all the time, like my left hand/wrist not working properly and my ankle swelling up when I walk to much and so on.... that is part of who I am, and I have to fit that into my life.
I have been looking on Etsy for fair-trade clothing, and have found quite a few sellers. I am far from perfect when it comes to being animal friendly etc, but when I can I now buy animal friendly makeup, and replace all my old makeup with animal friendly (and natural and organic if I can) when it runs out, and if I can not find an animal friendly product I will not buy it (that has yet to happen though). The same now is going to happen for clothes, I am going to try and buy as much fair-trade as possible, no longer am I going to buy cheap $5 t-shirts etc, not that I really did anyway. I am now going to try and buy NZ made stuff, and stuff from overseas I will make sure they come from Fair Trade shops, or are made fairly. The cost is more, but the quality is better :) I am going to start wearing clothes I love and no longer just buy from commercial stores, I want to be unique again, and get complimented because people like who I am, rather than get complimented because my clothes conform to society.
I love them, I also want to get into Wicca more, and do things I love and enjoy. Just because I am nearly 50 does not mean I have to change who I am, I trust myself that I can look good and be unique at the same time :)
I miss being spontaneous, I want to be spontaneous again and it is so much easier in the summer, like if on a Saturday night I am feeling ok, go for a drive to Hamilton and go to the night markets, or if I feel like going to the beach, just get up and go, doesn't matter if it isn't planned. Or go and see a cruise ship leaving at night in the Mount. I want excitement in my life, I want to go on a road-trip just because.....
Today we went to the market, it was huge which was good :)
They also had the "Zombie Walk" on for the Rotorua Brain Injury. It is a yearly thing, and is really good :).
They also had a gypsy fair which we will check out tomorrow, but it is only the "Gypsy Travellers" one so not that great. in fact it is pretty pathetic but hey.....
Anyway thats my day, tomorrow we will go and check out the gypsy fair and possibly the market again.