You have been a part of my life for 49 years, I certainly don't feel 49 years old, so you must have been pretty good to me some of the last 49 years.
Where do I begin, when I was young, I did all the normal things that bodies are suppose to do - I kept you pretty active, as I was into a lot of sports and ate healthy, so you were in the best possible place you could be at that age.
Then things started changing a little, you decided to rebel a little, and gave me a couple of broken legs within 2 years, oh lets not forget the time I stood on a needle and it broke in my foot, and was travelling up the bloodstream so they had to do emergency surgery on you to remove it before it punctured my heart. But I still did swimming, and rode my pushbike to the beach on weekends, played in the surf and enjoyed life. At this stage you were well in proportion, and I could wear a bikini comfortable, I kept you nice and tanned and life was pretty good, my hair was blonde bleached from all the sun, and I felt like I fitted in the beach lifestyle really good, the beach was my home.
Then the later teens started, and I discovered alcohol, and parties, this was when I started abusing you, partying weekends, consuming large amounts of alcohol, but was still going to the beach and swimming regularly. When I was 16, I nearly killed you off, I was involved in a car accident, the driver got killed and I came of next worse, with internal bleeding, a raptured kidney and a few other issues, but the wonderful doctors put you all back together again. The life of parties and booze stopped a little for a few years, and I also did have a wonderful trip to Holland once I had recovered from the car accident, where I got to meet all of my extended family, you coped well, considering not much earlier you were nearly dead.
For awhile after the car accident I treated you with a lot of love, as nearly killing you off woke me up a little. This lasted for a couple of years then alcohol started creeping in, don't get me wrong I was not drinking every night or anything like that, but I suppose I could say I was a binge drinker especially at weekends. I think I must have had 9 lives, the amount of times I managed to bike home after a night on the booze, so that I was not drink driving, instead I was bike driving lol.
Then another thing happened, when a male abused you, details I am not wanting to write about on a public blog, this led me to not even think you were worth anything, I abused you with more drinking, and eating the most crap foods I could find. Slowly over the years, I abused you time and time again, booze, foods, marijuana - I didn't care. I broke my leg another couple of times, over this period as well. I hated myself because of this man, and I had no self respect, it was taken away from me, this behaviour continued for a few years.
Then all went well for a few years, I got pregnant after only 2 weeks of trying, I think it was payback time for you though, I had the most horrendous morning sickness for the whole 9 months, but it was worth it, you produced a beautiful set of twins, just over 18 years ago, and better still, it was one of each sex. All went well for you, over the next few years, the alcohol became a lot less, I would lose and gain weight over these years, but health wise the doctors were pretty happy with how you were going. I did a half marathon and life was going pretty well for you, I was losing weight getting fitter and finally started treating you with the respect you deserved.
Then the real payback happened from all those years I abused you, I had just competed my first half marathon, and was feeling pretty proud of myself, when I went to see someone and fell down their steps in the pouring rain, I then got another broken leg, but this time it never healed properly like all the others. But I carried on with life, learning to live with the pain, till the pain got to the point that I started abusing you with pain killers. As I was having trouble walking, I decided to start push biking to get fit. Not long after I started biking, I had an accident and fell of my bike, back to hospital I went where I did a nice break in my arm that could not be fixed without surgery. So under the surgeons knife you went again, and out I came with a lovely cast on. Over this whole time in the cast, I felt something was not quite right with your arm, eventually the cast came off, and the pain you were causing was unbelievable. So I took you to a hand therapist where I got told I had "CRPS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome"). My life changed for both you and I from that day on, many different combinations of medications were trialled to help relieve some of the pain I was feeling. You didn't react very well to many of them very well, making me nauseous, dizzy, and many other things. Now you are telling me by the side effects I am having, that I need to reduce my meds, my body is not coping.
How do I feel about you now, for many years, I hated you, as I put on so much weight, I felt like I was worth nothing, I think you were one of the lucky bodies though, that never really got teased or taunted about the extra weight you are carrying, but that did not make my mind feel confident. But over the last 12 - 18 months, I now see you as a body and thats it, you are a body, a physical thing that is a part of me, you have arms, legs, and a head etc. like most other bodies out their in the world. Just because you are surrounded by a little more fat than some other bodies does not make me any less of a person as anyone else. You have been through some rough times, but you have always bounced back for me, so now it is my time to respect you, and love you for the body you are now. There are still parts of you I am learning to love, but each month I am learning to love you more and more.
Love me :)
And just remembered another 2 things, that was not fun, I had another 2 accidents one with my father driving, and we ran into a cow, we were all alright, but sad to say the cow didn't make it, it was a wet miserable night and we didn't see the cow. You body brilliantly made it through with only minor injuries. Then lo and behold I was with my ex-husband and we hit another cow, again it was a raining night and we did not see it, miraculously you survived again with only minor injuries.