Friday, February 7, 2014

I am so scared......

I have my exams on Monday and Friday of next week, I am not retaining any information - I am freaking out, my pain levels have increased dramatically, it could be the lowering of methadone, it could be the walking, it could be the stress I am having at the moment..... 

I need to make a decision, sit the exam, and know I will fail, and I know that as I am failing all the online quiz's, or apply for an AEG pass (Aegrotat pass), which will give me a much better chance of passing as I have done well in assignments. The only thing I am concerned is that I have applied for 3 AEG passes in 2013, and am not sure how many you can have, though I have looked online and there does not seem to be a limit. My doctor will fill out the form....

What would you do, if you are in my position.... I feel like a failure no matter what decision I make, I really really hate CRPS right now, I hate being drugged out, I hate not being able to study, I hate not being able to walk many km's again, I hate the pain every night, I hate everything right now, I am a horrible person to live with, because I am so sore, stressed and tired...

I just don't know anymore, I am a mess, I cry all the time...... :(

Oh I did get my hair cut today and all the pink taken out so back to being blonde again...

11 comments:

  1. Take the AEG pass and be proud of the fact that you have done well enough during the semester to be able to do that, despite the CRPS. You are doing an amazing job - be proud.

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    1. Thanks Tracy, still trying to make the decision :)

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  2. If you can take the pass, take it. Perhaps it is time to look after you more and forget the study for awhile. There is not point feeling under pressure when you need to concentrate on you. Good luck.

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    1. The thing is, though I am under pressure with it, it has what has kept me going psychologically.....if I was not studying I am not sure where my head would be :)

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  3. Do whats best for you, and be proud! Despite the pain you have have had the strength to do so darn well!!

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  4. Jackie,step back and take stock of what you have achieved over this last year.You have done so well.As the other people have said take the AEG pass you know you have put in the hard work on your assignments.

    Southgirl xx

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    1. Thanks Lorraine, I am still undecided on what to do :)

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  5. you are not a failure.....you know that....hugs

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  6. Oh Jackie - you are so not a failure !!! You have accomplished so much this past year - you should be very proud of your achievements. Take the pass - you put the work into the assignments - don't put yourself under more stress than you need to.
    Sending heaps of hugs your way !
    Me

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