Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Ok where do I go, where have I been.... and a few photos :)

For months, I have been pretending I don't have CRPS...... but you know what no matter what I do, I know I do have CRPS, I can't hide it. 

Ok lets go back a few months, I had a reasonably good summer, the nail business was starting to take shape, I purchased every imaginable tool possible to help with the business and things started looking good. I decided to give up the study for a semester so I could focus on building up the business as well as looking forward to the trip to the Gold Coast. Because of the trip (we were going away for 3 weeks) I didn't so much do customers, but used that time to up-skill and practice etc. The reason I didn't push the customers was that I was going away for 3 weeks and knew I would need a week or two to recoup after the trip, so 5 weeks was a long time to be away with new customers. 

By the time the trip was getting near, I was feeling pretty good and positive about the whole trip, I had rested heaps and worked on my fitness beforehand, we arrived at the Gold Coast and it was warm, the temperature was averaging 21-23 degree's and nights were about 15-17 degree's just perfect. I did many things like visiting 'David Fleay, went 'Whale Watching' and got to see awesome whales so close, it was amazing. We went to 'Byron Bay' and 'Nimbin', caught up with some old friends and so much more. I paced myself excellent, and for 3 weeks I felt 'normal', if I didn't count having to take 30 odd meds a day to get through. Don't get me wrong, I was still tired etc but it was a different tired. The temperature there was perfect for my CRPS. I just felt so right, I loved catching up with people, I love how friendly everyone was, I loved the atmosphere, I loved the lifestyle, I loved everything about it.... I have mainly videos of the trip, which I am editing and will post on youtube when done. 

The only down side of the trip was the puppies were in the kennels and Chico had a seizure, she gets stressed with rain, thunder, fireworks etc and of course being New Zealand we were smack bang in the middle of winter with lots of rain and wind, we think because we were not there to comfort her she stressed so much and had a seizure. We were lucky the kennels were quiet and she had only a small amount of puppies so they got to live inside the house :). But this of course when we found out put a damper on the trip a little. But when we went to pick them up they were so excited to see us and she looked perfect :). 

Because I was feeling so good, I thought i would do 4 papers for study - remember I was feeling normal, (full-time and also I would graduate) and also still work on the business, well here we are week 2 and I am failing - well thats what it feels like. I can't do it, I can't do full-time study, I can't do the business as well, I am tired, I am so sore from the cold weather, I am so sick from not just the pain but the stress of trying to be normal (if that makes sense). I have had diarrhea now for nearly the whole time I have been back - I am sure it is stress from pushing myself but may have to go to the doc and get it checked out. I am losing weight which is not a bad thing for me, but sadly it is not the right way and am now getting run down. Now remember diarrhea for me is rare, I am usually so constipated that it is not funny. 

But right now I feel so down, I really believed I could do this study, even if you took away the business I still couldn't do it. I am continuously nauseous from the stress - I know what I have to do, I have to drop some papers at least 2 if not 3 or 4. Am I f**ked off you bet, I am so angry with myself, yet the sensible side of me is going to don't be stupid you have a pain condition you are on 30 meds a day, of course you are not going to be able to do it all..... But I want to do it all, I want to feel how I felt at the Gold Coast, I want to feel normal, is it really so bad that I want to be just normal again. CRPS suck and right now I hate it...... I don't normally complain about it but I am. I am sure next week, next month I will feel better but for now I am going to hide under my rock again for a while. 

Here are a few photo's of our trip, not many and not that exciting but soon the videos will be up :)

"Tropical Fruit World"

View from our Apartment - On the 3rd picture they are building a 6 star hotel there for the Commonwealth Games for 2018. (You need to look through the trees)

"Harlem Globetrotters"
This was awesome :)

This place is interesting lol - got asked twice if I wanted a smoke :)

This place is free and a must do well I think so, it is not huge :)

So there you have it, just a few pics from the trip, will do the videos soon I promise :)


  1. I wish I knew what to say, I cannot imagine how frustrating CRPS is and to have had the experience of feeling so well in Aussie, to come home and feel so frustrated, obviously the climate there is much better for you. Keep positive :-)

  2. I've been wondering how you are! Good to hear from you again, Jackie. It sounds like you had a fantastic time on the GC. I'll be there in a couple of weeks but just for two nights. I do hope we have good weather as our winter has been the coldest in 60 years and I've had enough of it. Your poor dogs but it sounds like the owners of the kennels were really good to them by letting them come into their home. I'm sorry to hear your condition is preventing you from being able to do all the things you'd like to do - it must be very frustrating for you xx